Bobby: Apparently a former newspaper editor used to live here before he died!
Ginger: This is not the place I had in mind when you suggested we should spend some time together where we wouldn't see a single person!
Bobby: Well, you said that the magazine "Architectural Digest" wanted you to write an article for their upcoming special edition on haunted houses and that you needed to find one, so I found you one!
Bobby: What's the matter, suffering from Yellow Journalism?
Ginger: But to answer your question, no, I'm not scared!
Ginger (thinking): I'll just pretend I'm in one of those Halloween Funhouses and I'll be okay!
Ginger: So, how did you find out about this place? Do you have invisible business connections?
Bobby: No, I found it through a Real Estate agent rather than an Unreal Estate agent!
Bobby: Layers of dust! Another home letting nature take its course!
Bobby: Dead silence is the noise of ghosts!
Bobby: Not to worry, I believe we're walking around the section of the house that could be interpreted as being the stomach of the house.
Bobby: In other words, this used to be the dining room!
Ginger: Spiderweb curtains, dust aromas, greasy walls, believe me when I tell you.... this is all imbedded into my memory well beyond your imagination!
Ginger: Hard to believe there's phone service in this place! It has to be a wrong number?
Bobby: I have a Caller I.D. program in my computer-remote that works on any phone
I point it at!
Bobby: It says its coming from the number #000-0000!
Ginger: It shouldn't be working at all, look, it's not plugged into the wall! (she's holding a wire)
Ginger: It's still ringing, but there's nothing but silence on the other end!
Ginger: It's just like you said, dead silence is the noise of ghosts!?
Bobby: I can't tell you what's going on here, the phone companies offer so many services nowadays that its hard to keep track of them all!
(We see a decayed looking hand coming out of the ground with a gravestone in the background)
Thought from the ground: Someone will pay for this interruption!
Bobby: Ignore the phone, I do it all the time in my office!
Bobby: Let's finish what we came here to do! Believe it or not, I rented us a room at a motel and its not my plan to spend the entire night chasing things that go bump in the night!
Ginger: That's an awful sound!
Bobby: All old houses have aches and pains just like people when they get old!
Zombie (thinking): I'm way too old for this! Being undead is an awful way of life!
Ginger: Wow, look! There's a typewriter floating all around this room, moving back and forth and back and forth! Do you think a ghost is doing this?
Bobby: My question is why would any ghost exert any type of physical exercise?
Bobby: Simply a discarded probe in disguise left behind from someone's Time Machine! Most activities in these so-called haunted houses are probe related!
(close-up of Ginger holding paper that says "Get out or else.")
Ginger: If this is not a haunted typewriter, then why did it type this warning?
Bobby: It's probably a message to itself, but it could be for us!
Either way, it has the same meaning,....choose between staying or leaving! No big deal!
Bobby: Kinda dangerous though! I believe it doesn't take kindly to my computerized suit!
Ginger: It seems to be scanning you! Maybe you better take care of it!?
Bobby: Plus its trying to disable my suit with some kind of Alzheimers program!
Bobby: High noon at high midnight! And it appears to be a stalemate to me!
Ginger (thinking): Am I a writer or not? I'll take care of this typewriter!
Ginger: Just think of me as the human equivalent of your correction ribbon!
(words on page inside typewriter say "oof!")
Ginger: Look Bobby, this typewriter is now suffering from a permanent case of writer's block!
Ginger: Bobby?..........Are you okay?
Ginger (thinking): There must be some kind of restoration mechanism programmed into his remote, but I don't know how to work this thing!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): She can't hear me! Seems my suit has locked me out of my body just like it did at the Annual Superhero Awards Ceremony!
Bobby Ghost: I said don't do that!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): She can't see me either! She's turned on my daily 30 minute aerobics workout and it's running in expert mode!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): This is no good, maybe I can just go back into my body....I haven't tried that before!
Bobby Ghost: Yoooowwwww!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): Shell rejection of the third kind! Forget that idea!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): I saw a whole a bunch of them working a graveyard shift inside a factory one time! These guys are really mean!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): In theory, I should be able to enter this mindless entity to stop his potential rage of destruction plus walk to my Bobby body & reinstate it back to normal!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): Since the last time my suit conked out, I've created a variety of ways to undelete whatever causes application errors or frozen functionings!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): The only problem is that it takes physical functioning on my part to punch the buttons on my remote!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): Feeling some resistance here, .... like trying to park a car where a car is already parked!
Zombie: Excuse me, but this space is occupied!
Zombie: No, but if you want to be one, take your pick,. ...there's lots of other bodies buried over there to choose from!
Ginger (thinking): He's jumping around with no regard to our surroundings and is smashing everything in his path.
Bobby Body: 1, and a 2, and a 3, and a 4..........
Ginger (thinking): This is a nightmare! Somehow this remote has given Bobby housewrecking abilities that are no different than those of a poltergeist!
Ginger: Stop it! This is not your house!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): That spook occupying that dead body doesn't seem to pose a threat to anyone, probably wants to look around the house just like everybody else!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): Hmmm, the body down here is in a coffin!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): Why do they put bodies in these things anyway, it's not like they're going to get up and walk away!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): Uh,...I retract that last statement!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): Appropriate name on the tombstone ....... Gopher!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): Easy transition! Quite a special occasion,..it's not often for someone to remember their "zero" birthday!
Bobby Zombie (thinking): I wonder if any real zombies are vegetarians?
Bobby Zombie (thinking): Probably not, I think in their given state there's a real protein deficiency problem!
Bobby Zombie (thinking): I guess his body has been dead longer than this one!
(Bobby Zombie pushing aside the other zombie inside the doorway)
Bobby Zombie: Excuse me, but you were blocking the doorway!
Zombie: Hey!...that body moves real good! I guess I overlooked that one!
Bobby Zombie (thinking): I need to get to that remote to install my backup program hidden on Drive Z!
Ginger (thinking): Ooh, using this remote is frustrating! Now he has his arms out in front of himself while he's twirling his hands!
Ginger (thinking): Poor Bobby's all mixed up! He thinks he's knitting a sweater!
Bobby Zombie (thinking): I see the suit is still running physical activities programs! Looks like it's in my custom Expert Fighters program!
Bobby Zombie (thinking): Out of all the fighters available in this program, why did she choose Curley of the Three Stooges?
Bobby Zombie (thinking): Seeing myself like this has made me so mad that I've grinded my teeth too hard and they're all falling out!
Ginger: Eeeeek! Zombies! I thought I smelt formaldehyde!
Ginger: Eeeeek! (Her hair is sticking out)
Bobby Zombie: *Thop theming, yur making mu booms rezonate! (*Stop screaming, you're making my bones resonate!)
Bobby Zombie (thinking): Do I need speech therapy or what?
Bobby Zombie (thinking): Passed out!
Bobby Zombie (thinking): Some of us are out cold and some of us are in cold!
Bobby Zombie (thinking): I can't pry the remote from her hand!
Bobby Zombie (thinking): Rigor mortis versus rigor mortis?
Bobby Zombie (thinking): Now I'm in limbo about what to do?
Bobby Zombie: Oof!
Bobby Body: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
Bobby Zombie (thinking): I'm.......uh.....He's doing the Curley Shuffle! Nice footwork, I have to remember to add this part of the Curley program to my Dance program choices!
(we see the Bobbies from the waist up in the foreground)
Bobby Zombie (thinking): He's smearing me and with good reason! I reviewed all of the episodes of the Three Stooges in which Curley and Moe duked it out and statistics showed me they were equally matched!
Bobby Zombie (thinking): But then the tie was broken because I found the all important missing Lost Episode!
Bobby Zombie (thinking): And he's smearing me, not surprisingly, since it's fairly easy to whip a dead person!
(We see the zombie approaching the telephone)
Bobby Ghost (thinking): Useless! All of the bones are broken!
Bobby Ghost (thinking): This dead body is completely dead!
Zombie: Hello, it's about time you called! Do you know how long I've been waiting for you?
Zombie: Six hours! So, what's the idea of transporting me to the wrong place? Is this how you treat all of your first class customers?
Zombie: You can bet my lawyers are going to hear about this!
Bobby Ginger: Hey, this is the wrong remote!
Bobby Ginger: My Bobby Body is wearing the suit I sleep in every night! I must have forgotten to change this morning when I woke up!
Voice from the telephone: I hope you're taking me to the right destination this time!
Voice: And I hope you're serving meals on this flight, this stupid ordeal has left me really hungry!
Bobby Ginger: Simple remedy! Clicking it off will restore everything back to normal!
Bobby Body: Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!
Bobby (thinking): A simple out-of-body inexperience!
Bobby (thinking): I should have recognized what was going on automatically because of all of the surreality in effect!
Bobby: Ginger, where are you?
Ginger: Oh, of course you are! I must have fallen asleep!
Bobby (thinking): That's because my Lucid Dream State program was running in full conscious mode and it affects anyone that happens to be within my immediate environment!
Bobby (thinking): Thank goodness this wide-awake subconscious state has no real side effects on normal people!
File Generated on February 28, 1995
©1995 Bebe Williams